Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
