I'm pants shitting drunk right now
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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