Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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