Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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