I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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