I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
