It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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