then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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