I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
third nipple confirmed
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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