I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
