If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize