remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
