just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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