Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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