it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
