the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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