I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
