the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
