The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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