I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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