jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So vagazzling was a success
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
