im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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