Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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