My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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