I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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