she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
