trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
