just tell him i said nine months
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
