What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
