Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Last time i carry you out of a forest
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
