Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
