I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
