hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
