When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
