i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
That accounts for only three of the penises
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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