i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
