Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
