this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
