I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
