i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
