Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
