people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
