she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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