i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
