at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
