I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
