there's paper in my vomit.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
