This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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