My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
