she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
