i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize