im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
