1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
