this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize