Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
