I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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