Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
