im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
