i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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