i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I believe in your delicious
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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