So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
