I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
