Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
