i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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