can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize