yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
