Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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