I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
