Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Randomize
