so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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