Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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