O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
