it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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