i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you would pick up someone in the library
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
