Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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