is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize