he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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