Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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