Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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