I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
