"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
