In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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