Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
