it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
