Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
