you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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