R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
