I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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