Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
