I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
