this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
