Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
