If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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