Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
