This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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