im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Houston, we have a blender
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
