and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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