Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
