Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
