I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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