I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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