Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
