somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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