I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
