So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
