I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
