so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm too high and old for this...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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