I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
