Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
