I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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