I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
